I’ll make my position clear at the beginning, we must not let this guy go, he cannot be cut adrift due to media hysteria even if we get handed our arses in a 5-0 trouncing. However, he has made mistakes, mistakes that he will not acknowledge and this is something that must change. Anyone closely involved in elite sport must have self confidence verging on the infallible, but equally has got to understand the space between ‘infallible’ and ‘verging on’. He’s not omniscient, and even if he was it does not preclude the possibility of applying this knowledge incorrectly. Stop trying to snow the media and the general public because it is damaging your standing. The media’s memory maybe very short but I hope the general public’s is a little longer and we still remember the success the team brought to the country in 2005 and just because he was self effacing in victory then does not exculpate him in defeat now.

Fess up and commit to undertaking a critical review of your and your teams performance, publicly invite and agree to consider criticism, review your approach to loyalty, clearly this trait has it’s place but it needs to be tempered with form considerations. The captaincy needs to be looked at, is Flintoff’s output being compromised by the captaincy? He needs to play hard for Lancashire at the beginning of the ’07 season and see where his form really is and then see how it translates to the test arena, but this highlights another aspect of Fletcher’s stewardship, the amount of county cricket he allows the central contract players to play. This may be redundant if Vaughan returns but that remains imponderable at this point in time, form and capability remain unproven.

With everyone fit we still have a squad to compete with the best in the world, which remains Australia don’t forget, and I have no problem with this squad including Geraint Jones and Ashley Giles. He should remain loyal to this squad as a whole, not just to eleven of them.

Fletcher’s position won’t be reviewed by his bosses until after the World Cup but realistically they might as well take a view now. We are not going to set the world alight in the West Indies and unless Fletcher is so intransigent that the England and Wales Cricket Board feel the need for a stick to beat him with to have him change his ways then the go or stay decision should be made at the end of the Australia tour.

Fletcher remains the best man for the job but with subtle changes in emphasis he could be even more successful.

I was mistaken about this noble breed of artisans, you mustn’t believe what you hear about them at this time of year; that they are out to fleece you for every penny remaining from your Christmas financial blood letting, that they won’t even consider crossing the threshold without a three figure call out fee. No this is all untrue, but what is true is that none of the fuckers round here would do one or more of the following, come and investigate the leak that was dripping into one of the bedrooms at any cost, uphold the promises to come and look at aforesaid leak given by various referral agencies, return calls at all, return calls to advise that they would not be coming after all.

Guys, if you don’t want to work, now or at any other time of the year, that is your absolute discretion and I don’t blame you at all for taking time off, wish I had done. BUT DON’T THEN ADVERTISE YOUR FUCKING SERVICE TO BE 365/24/7 BECAUSE IT PATENTLY ISN’T.

Now this sounds like a remarkably good idea, the opportunity to impose your music choice on other car drivers without having the boom box in your own car operating at a volume that threatens not only your hearing but to slowly detach the wheel nuts from your car.

I would like to get hold of one of these gizmos though as I seem to be driving more and more vehicles which have a CD player and not a cassette which will take the adapter I usually use.

So if anyone has used one of these things I would appreciate any feedback on which offer the best reception, battery life etc.

Hope everyone had a very pleasurable Christmas. The memory of mine if fading rapidly into the misty past as the spectre of work tomorrow approaches rapidly.

Saddened to learn of the death of Charlie Drake. His humour was often simplistic and silly, but often funny, at least to an 11 year old. Unsophisticated in the extreme by today’s standards but not reliant on confrontation or aggression and never mean spirited. Never ground breaking or satirical, just funny. Whatever happened to ‘funny’, doesn’t seem to be in the vocabulary any more? Everything now has to be biting, edgy, relevant, referential or satirical. Must still be room for funny somewhere.

R.I.P. Charlie.

Having been forced to go out yesterday and today to get bits and pieces for the next couple of days I might have to review my ‘whingers of the century’ award. Unsurprisingly the past holders for the 20th Century, farmers of just about all persuasions, had been usurped by retailers for the 21st Century following the inexplicable and unforgivable handing of the EU farm subsidies by H.M. Govt. But now I’m beginning to feel a little sympathy for retailers also, it might be something to do with the perpetual dusk that seems to have descended on the whole of Cambridgeshire for the past week, but relatively it seems to be stone dead on the high street. One trip to Tesco, two to Argos all taken care of with a grand total of 15 minutes queuing, can’t usually achieve that on a dank Thursday in February?!

For anyone planning on going to church tomorrow, better get there early as it’s going to be full of retail managers praying like never before.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas, but I know I could love it a whole lot more if people would stop expecting me to eat crap. I don’t care much for the religious content of Christmas, but then again I don’t want ‘Winterval’ forcing it’s obnoxiously PC path to my door either.

The In-Laws will be here for lunch Christmas day, which is fine, but they are, in large part, the reason for the expectation of crap consumption. My mother was the same; ‘you’ve got to have sprouts, it’s Christmas’, ‘I don’t want any, anytime of year’, ‘Just have a couple’, ‘So will it be OK if I just vomit on the table twice then?’. But it doesn’t end there, parsnips, cranberries, almonds and peel in cake and puddings. Just what is it with peel, do you know anyone who doesn’t drag their knuckles along the ground who eats oranges whole? No, we peel them and put it in the bin, have the pudding and cake producers been scouring the garbage to find something to bulk out their products? Why does Turkish Delight make a seasonal appearance to induce nausea amongst unwitting festive indulgers, we have alcohol excess for that.

Still, on the upside, I think we may have seen the last of British Sherry.

Well that was pretty grim, but at least it was over quickly, very quickly. Disappointing though it was to lose to the old enemy we should always remember that part of the joy of winning them in ’05 was that not only had we put one over on the Aussies but that those particular Aussies were one of the best teams of a generation and also that we may well not see that team in anything like the form it is now, let alone as it was in ’05, when they are on these shores again in ’09. No Gillespie, Martyn, possibly no Warne, McGrath, Langer, Hayden and neither of the two newer names that have made an impact this time around, Clarke and Hussey, are in the first flush of youth. Whereas we will be looking at substantially the same team, Trescothick and Vaughan could still be around, and the remainder of the team should still be around with the likes of Joyce, Broad, Plunkett and Onions either in the team or fighting for places and keeping the incumbents up to snuff.

The war might be lost but battles, albeit meaningless with regard to ultimate outcome, remain to be fought. Fletcher must stay but, for the time being at least, Jones must go. I like his attitude and he has been successful in the work he has done on his keeping but he needs to find the capacity to adapt his game to the circumstances of the match and that appears lacking at present. If you are going to play him then we need to see Mahmood with a new ball in his hand at some time in the next few weeks (and I’m not talking about the ODIs) and see how much work there is still to be done.

Congratulations to the Aussies, I hope means as much to them to have the urn back as it did to us. I still think that the prospects for the Ashes rivalry are as good as I can remember and we may yet start a series as favourites and justify that favouritism.

It’s not just me is it? I’m sure I remember wailing and gnashing of teeth, the denuding of nurseries and garden centres across the land so that the purchased commodities could be scattered at random locations around the country? Has the Daily Mail’s tiresome obsession with her achieved her resurrection? This must surely be a cause for canonisation of said rag as a whole, with sainthood a formality within weeks.

Her death was regrettable, as was, equally, that of Dodi Fayed. As is the death of a miner from pneumoconiosis after years at the coal face, as is that of a child from cancer or a mother from an inexplicable drunk driving accident or women, not prostitutes or a sex workers but first and foremost women, in Ipswich. We all strive to do what our capabilities and opportunities allow, great or small in either category, and the loss of someone will always be a cause for sorrow to some, may be few, may be many but whatever the number we all have to deal with that loss and move on and this applies to nations, newspapers, families and individuals.

I don’t like to say ‘I told you so’……… No, let me start that again, I very, very much like to be able to say ‘I told you so’ unfortunately just about everyone else in the country can rightly say to Duncan Fletcher ‘I told you so’ but I do have a little cause for smugness, another one of my many vices, as I put it in my blog and recorded my wisdom in this matter for all time. Regrettably I also recorded the view that Harmison should be riding the pine for this test but I don’t think it’s too much to ask that this be glossed over in view of my staunch support for Monty. Day 1 isn’t over yet, he hasn’t won the test for us, let alone saved the Ashes so let’s not get ahead of ourselves, but what he has shown, even if the Brisbane and Adelaide pitches would not have suited as well as this one, is that he was worth a place from the get go, that even if the results had been the same, which I don’t believe, then the nature of the losses would have been different, we wouldn’t have got our arses kicked so hard at Brisbane and the Aussies would have needed to fight harder for the victory in Adelaide. We would have come into this one feeling more capable of competing with them and not with the fragility which I still think is there after the last test.

Go Monty!!

Not got a lot to whine about right now as I haven’t heard any news to irritate me as I have been on a course. The course is called ADR and is so called because that is the name of the guidelines issued by United Nations describing the way in which hazardous goods are to transported. So far so good, nothing to gripe about there, my company is paying for the course, the qualification is transportable and I’m not obliged to sign up for a set period with my existing employer before being put through the course. The content f the course is interesting and a little alarming in view of the nature of the materials I might be asked to drive around, for hours on end, at a proximity of about four feet. Corrosives, peroxides, infectious materials, toxins and all manner of inflammable substances. Still can’t carry radioactive or explosive material though, but what can you expect, it was only a three day course! All of it in a class room, no practical element, no visit to premises handling these types of good. Apparently there used to be an exercise whereby you were shown how to use a fire extinguisher, but that part was canned as it was deemed too expensive. Ho hum.

The instructor was very knowledgeable and helpful, maybe too helpful as he seemed ready to proffer more assistance than might be expected when it came to doing the exams, I’ll say no more. But it did get me thinking. If, all along the line, the people who pack, label, document, carry out quality control and load these materials are all qualified in the same haphazard fashion then how safe am I with these materials on the road? Have they got the right labels on, have they been packed correctly, is the documentation that tells me the temperature they must be maintained at and the procedures to be carried out in the event of an emergency prepared correctly? If I want to check all this, as far as it is possible, then I need a copy of the 1207 pages of the ADR 2007 regs for which the UN will charge me £110 (+ p & p I expect). Still mustn’t grumble. Or rumble. Certainly not fulminate.

I heard some of the statement our glorious leader gave to Parliament earlier in the week about the replacement of Trident. I’m leaving the lid firmly shut on the can of worms that is the moral element but I was a little perplexed about what I understood to be the chronology. The useful life of Trident D4 can be extended to 2042 we are told after which they turn back into pumpkins or something. I’m sure it would tell me somewhere on the web why there is such a hard end point, but life’s too short. Also the useful life of the Vanguard class boats that carry them ends after 30 years, so that is between 2024 & 2029, so if we are to extend Trident to the max we will have bullets but no guns!? Or we design and build a follow on class to house these babies for between 13 & 18 years? But if that class duplicates Vanguard then it will have a service life of 30 years and they will be running around empty for between 12 & 17 years!? Is it me? Probably. Maybe it’s possible to design a boat that will be capable of housing Trident and it’s successor but I very much doubt it. Maybe it is possible to downgrade the specification of the follow on class to a more suitable service life but I can’t imagine that this would be economically viable.

If the absolute service life of Trident was known when the system was purchased, then why was the delivery platform, whose sole purpose was to carry the system, not designed accordingly?

I’m sure I must be being too simplistic it my view of this but that was how the numbers came across. Perhaps Tony could pop round and put me straight over a nice cup of tea?

Further to previous blogs, the goat, Duncan Fletcher, seems to be trying to justify Monty Panesar’s absence in the form of a Balance vs. Performance equation. Now clearly I haven’t benefited from a heart to heart with Dunc and despite the childish name calling above I don’t believe he has become a bad coach overnight, just as I don’t believe that the players have become poor players, uncaring of their own performance on the field. But is there anyone else on the planet with more than a rudimentary knowledge of cricket who thinks Panesar was not worth a place in the team for the last test, I would suggest that he should have been playing from the get go in Brisbane. But apparently Monty screws with the balance of the team. Eh?? What are you Dunc? A cricket coach or a Chi balancer, a feng shui consultant? What? Fuck the balance and put the team in a position to win. You want to have Giles at number 8? Fine, whatever, but lets talk performance, how about 3 for 591? The combined output of Anderson and Harmison. Lose one of these two, at the moment it would be Harmison for me, and you still have Hoggard, Flintoff and Anderson for the seam attack, Panesar at No. 11 and precious ‘balance’ is retained. Or are we now in the scenario of having to protect Flintoff’s ankle with a fourth seamer?

The trouble is now there is huge pressure on Panesar to do nothing short of retaining the Ashes for us or he will be seen by some as a failure. Coaches make mistakes like everyone else but if you want to be remembered as a good one then you need to acknowledge them and redress them and not perpetuate them. Or has Monty been round the back and let your tyres down again?

Surely a bit churlish to criticise after the day we had yesterday in Adelaide? Maybe so but I’ll dive right in there anyway. Just loved the way Collingwood brought up his double ton, Pietersen taking the piss with McGrath, a bit of fire from Flintoff and contributions from Bell and Giles. That’s in the past and the runs are on the board. But what about the next three days? Who is going to take 20 wickets? Flintoff has made a start but we mustn’t be in a position where we need to bowl him into the ground on a good track to ensure that we are in a position to possibly take the win. But if it’s not Flintoff then where is the penetration going to come from? Despite the intense net session we all heard about, Harmison is still not trusted with the new ball, Hoggard didn’t look like a great threat and Anderson and Giles rarely are at the top level. And you can’t take many wickets from the dressing room. Prove me wrong and I’ll gobble up the humble pie, with relish. But bowl Flintoff to a standstill, with three tests to go, and only come away with a draw and Fletcher will look like a goat. Just what is it that Panesar has done to Fletcher, does he insult his ancestors on a regular basis, sneak off behind the pavilion and let his tyres down, what?

During the afternoon session when Collingwood and Pietersen had turned Warne into Ashley Giles and was reduced to bowling around the wicket outside leg stump, Michael Holding, Sky’s best commentator by far, commented that he thought it was gutless bowling, maybe a bit harsh, but I think he missed the point, but not as badly as Nasser Hussain. Hussain suggested that this was a valid approach, seemingly for as long as Warne wanted. It was good to see Warne accepting his own impotence but this is part of the most eagerly anticipated Test series I can remember and the people who watch and pay the wages, at the ground, on TV, over the internet, might, quite rightly, expect to be entertained. I can’t see this approach being a valid form of ‘attack’ for more than 2 overs and 1 ball, after 2 overs you have established in the mind of the batsman what your approach is going to be and if he doesn’t bite on the first ball of the third over with aggression then he’s not going to and it’s time to put that tactic away and move on. But then again I’m not a bowler, nor am I Australian!!

Yes let’s call it what it is, H.M. Govt. puts out these soft phrases, road charging, congestion charging but how many roads or ‘congestion’ will be asked to put there hands in their pockets? It will be the driver and the families who will be parting with their hard earned so let’s get that straight. Got to admit life is too short for me to have read the full content of this report from Eddington however it would appear to be simplistic and utterly devoid of imagination from the synopsis I have heard. You use the roads when they are busy, you will be charged. You the driver. Now who is it that makes the road busy? Who is it who wakes up in the morning and thinks, ‘What shall I do today? I know, I’ll jump into my car and find the longest traffic jam in the country and sit there until the increase in my blood pressure makes my ears bleed, just like I have done four times already this week’. Few of us have the choice about what time we use the roads, schools expect children in class at 9, business expects their workers to have their noses to the grindstone between 8-9 and everyone else stays the hell away. Do we drop our kids off at seven and leave them standing around the school gate for an hour or more or do our bit to save the planet by taking them in at 10 and screw the school’s routine? And leave them hanging around for an hour after school whilst we do the extra hours work at the end of the day which we have negotiated with our, oh so, considerate boss? Is ‘saving the planet’ and acceptable excuse to justify turning up an hour or two late, every day? I suspect not. I did hear a suggestion that lorries should be banned from the roads between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m. Sounds good to me, would limit my day to eight hours and mean that many businesses would have to open overnight, can’t see many businesses signing up for that one but it’s a little more creative that anything I’ve heard from Eddington. Public transport? Not in it’s current form. I start work any time between 4 a.m. and 8 a.m. not many busses in evidence at 2.45 a.m. and it would take 1.15 to get in when busses are running and I live about 8 miles from work. If this issue needs addressing then we need someone who can provide something far better than the crass and pathetic offering H.M. Govt. has received this week.